Separate & Broken!?! 💔

We will have a vibrant conversation about brokenness and being separate from, is that even a thing? We had 2 very different opinions when we initially prepped for this episode. Would love to hear your experience and or thoughts with brokenness and or being separate from.

This season we push the depths of our relationship even further. Tackling the difficult conversations that we fear may separate us.

Tina, a conservative christian woman and Bonnie Violet, a trans gender queer drag queen have an anti-cancel culture conversation. While many family members are choosing to no longer speak, we have chosen to sit at the table and engage in difficult conversation to find peace and restoration.

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Transcript

0:04
[Music]
0:19
[Music]
0:26
me [Music]
0:37
hey everybody welcome to splintered grace my name is tina frank and i'm here
0:42
to have an amazing conversation uh with my co-host bonnie violet
0:48
hi everyone uh bonnie violet here i'm a transgender queer spiritual drag artist
0:53
and digital queer chaplain i'm gonna throw all the little words in there huh i know
1:00
how are you doing how's your week been oh my week's been awesome um busy um but awesome
1:07
trying to get used to getting back in the swing of things and doing stuff but yeah i had a good week
1:13
is it wet with the weather with the weather being a little bit better are you just able to get out and do a little
1:19
bit more or yes and it's so funny because you said earlier it's going to warm up to 60 and
1:25
we're talking here it's cooled down to like 72. so right right so that's all about perspective
1:32
but yes it's amazing so these are the few weeks that we have here um that we're just like outside the
1:38
whole time and just enjoying everything enjoying the comfortable weather
1:44
yes yeah yeah portland portland we're kind of yeah we're having the opposite um there's lots of rain uh
1:52
this week and a little bit of chilliness which is fine because it's been nice to like cozy up a little bit get in from
1:58
the fire or put on some extra you know covers that sort of thing um so so that's so it's been so that's
2:06
been nice i guess with just the weather change but it has felt so drastically different than yeah um
2:12
than when i was in san francisco or you know new york or just on the east coast isn't it rainy in san francisco too a
2:19
lot yeah but we actually had some pretty decent weather while i was there so it was a little bit different you know it
2:25
was it was a little bit different experience it wasn't like amazing weather but um it wasn't cold there was
2:32
some wind but it wasn't cold like it is here so do you have a fireplace there i heard
2:37
you say cozy up to a fire yeah they have a fireplace my hosts and friends they
2:42
have a fireplace uh on the second level and so it's super cozy we'll go up there and chat i had some friends over
2:49
this weekend i think um and we um you know we've sat around the fire and just socialized and it's nice
2:55
to hang out it's not gotten cool enough here for us to have a fire but yeah that's nice yeah so i'm just a
3:03
tiny bit jealous hopefully right
3:08
charlie says she's so excited for this topic so hey i guess that's a good sign for us to
3:14
move into talking about the topic today yeah so and charlie make sure you ask any questions that you have because we
3:21
would love to you know guide our conversation in a way that's going to be beneficial to you
3:26
yes yes that goes for everyone if please comment and connect with us as always um
3:32
so this week we are talking about separate and or the title is separate and broken with exclamation points and a
3:40
question mark and part of that for me was just you know spending some time
3:46
talking about um brokenness um of separateness i have a different
3:52
um understanding of uh like brokenness now than i did maybe at different points in
3:57
my life and so i thought it would be great for us to talk a little bit about um being broken um
4:04
and what are your thoughts on on all this just to get it rolling
4:10
there's a lot of thoughts a lot of ways that this can go right um separate and brokenness i think
4:16
are different but i think brokenness is all about how we define
4:22
and how we perceive what that means um you know people can think they're broken in a mental capacity people can
4:28
think they're broken in a physical capacity people can think they're broken in a cultural capacity so i think it's
4:34
important that we all understand there's a place of healing for each and every one of us and we just need to look past that
4:42
brokenness whatever it might be to a place where we can start that healing process
4:48
yeah yeah and i think i think the reason why i and like you said they they're two very different they're kind of different
4:54
things right but um i think the reason why i uh kind of lump them together is that
5:01
i've really been uh kind of in in some of the work that i've been doing and kind of like healing and
5:07
and kind of you know trying to live more whole whole you know as like a whole integrated person
5:13
and um you know there were uh so my thoughts are that being separate from
5:18
and brokenness that neither one of those are actually like what really happened um that that we
5:25
don't actually break and that we're not actually separate from folks um i do understand that we may choose to
5:33
we may live in that reality we may experience uh life and see ourselves as if we're
5:38
broken or as if we're not a part of but i think that that is not the truth i think that's a delusion
5:45
or an illusion because as i go back and look over at my past and i'm able to see
5:50
god where god where i had to see god before and just to see things now that i didn't see then it's like it's
5:57
been more of a revealing process of my my whole self than it is about like
6:03
fixing myself or putting my pieces together and and i've lived fragmented
6:09
i've lived as if i needed to just be with one part of myself for a little while and be separate from my other
6:15
parts um like my sexuality over here my spirituality over here my family over
6:22
here my whatever over here and kind of not being super integrated with all that and so
6:29
but the truth of it is i think i was i mean i was always carrying around my sexuality
6:34
even in spiritual spaces and i would my spirituality was always also there in the sexual places even if i wasn't
6:41
um intimately like seeing it that way so i think it's more about like a blindness
6:47
or a um uh coping mechanism that we do
6:53
um in order to kind of like i don't know i'm just kind of feeling like it's not i wonder
6:59
if it's not helpful i don't think it's helpful anymore for me to see myself as broken
7:06
or separate okay um
7:11
first i i i think you i think you can't be separate i mean wherever you go
7:17
you're there so everything that encompasses who you are is going to be with you all the time so
7:23
you can't separate the parts of who you are i think we can um we cannot address or not or to not
7:30
try to fuel those areas maybe that make us uncomfortable or maybe even areas that
7:35
we don't want to continue to have as part of who we are um so i guess that could be considered
7:41
some sort of a separation over time but but as as
7:47
chaotic as i am i'm chaotic no matter where i go it's how i respond
7:53
in those situations that can define me or change me or give me
7:59
opportunity to transition and make those spaces not so chaotic but i agree with you i think that we only find our
8:05
completeness and our wholeness in god and so i feel like
8:10
god fills in all those spaces for us where we in the physical feel like that we're incomplete
8:17
because only god has the ability to complete us um but i do think we go through seasons
8:23
right you know i was talking just last night with a group of women that um there are things that we do in our lives
8:30
or things that we carry with us or even habits that we do that are kind of toxic for all of us
8:36
um and i don't know if you want to call it a brokenness but that toxicity can continue to build in
8:43
us or we can choose not to fuel that and and it'll eventually go away and one
8:48
of those things specifically we were talking about was anger and negativity
8:55
there's a lot of us that struggle with dealing with anger on things that
9:00
why are we even angry about that right you know and then just like go ahead
9:05
yeah but it's like like you can try to separate yourself from that anger or that negativity but
9:11
it's there and it's a part of you and so until you like so it's important to like be aware of it because
9:18
you are bringing it with you even if you're trying to like tell yourself you're not and that's what i mean by
9:25
like the separation from or the brokenness is like we don't get to like
9:30
we i don't i just we we have all all of we are whole and all of this is coming
9:35
into a situation with us whether we're conscious of it or connected with the idea or see that we are like that's the
9:43
truth of it all and so that's why i think it's more of like a delusion or an illusion and we i and we live and i have
9:49
lived my life and seen myself as broken and separate so i'm not saying that it's
9:54
not real and it's not an experience that we have but i think it's a delusion or
10:01
illusion because it's not i don't think it's the the whole truth of it you know it can be our reality because that's how
10:07
we're living but i don't know you know in my
10:12
understanding of things now it's been helpful for me to see that i've always been whole
10:19
you know in being on this other side of healing it's it's helpful for me to see myself
10:25
as whole and to see that i had always been whole i wasn't always aware of it but
10:31
so i think that's kind of where where i'm coming out with that i don't know what to do with that but those are just some of the thoughts that that have been
10:38
kind of ruminating in my head um around so
10:44
the difference that you you are experiencing now as being whole versus when you were feeling like you
10:50
weren't whole what can you explain that freedom to me or what that feels like
10:55
well i think you know i think i think even if you want to use it in your terms with the idea that you know god is what
11:01
kind of like fills in those spaces that can kind of help us stay whole right that is like the glue it's the thing
11:07
that holds us all together and and i can get behind that concept and that idea um
11:13
but it's always been there so it's not just there because i
11:19
see it now like it doesn't just appear i'm having a relationship with that and i'm connected
11:26
to that idea but the truth of it is it was always there
11:31
and there's power in us being able to see that it was there um
11:37
even if um like even if like i know like sometimes
11:42
we talk about god um and god is like a gentleman and doesn't come without consent like
11:48
god isn't with you until there's consent however i think that once we kind of are in that
11:54
space where we we bring spirituality or god into our life or whatever we and we consent for that sort of thing
12:01
then i think god has the power to also consent in our in our in what happened before in our
12:07
history and so i think it's helpful for me to see that um again just to help me in my now and
12:15
so so that's what i mean i think the truth of it is is that god was there holding me all together all along i just
12:22
was unable to um to uh
12:27
accept that um or see that um for a good part of my
12:32
life and so i think what i want to do is try to keep
12:38
reminding myself that i am whole and that i am you know like and i always will be i
12:44
can't be broken so like for me it's helpful when i'm like feeling sad or i'm feeling like i didn't do something
12:50
correctly that um that i'm broken you know that i'm broken somehow and i just can't
12:56
love people in this way or i just can't um do romance because i'm broken and it's like no
13:02
like it's just not helpful for me i think to continue to see myself as broken yeah i i i can agree with you
13:09
from that from that perspective you know i believe that god is always there with us
13:14
um and and when we do choose to receive him and allow him
13:20
access to our heart and our life i think he is always there waiting for us again he's still a
13:26
gentleman but i think he he wants to encourage us into breakthrough
13:32
you know just like with the anger and the negativity that i talked about before um those aren't things that are
13:38
gonna be honoring to me or to the people around me being angry and negative all the time
13:43
and i think god's gonna give me opportunity to have a breakthrough that doesn't mean i'm broken just because i have those things
13:49
but it means that those are things that i do have the ability to work through so that i can overcome anger and i can
13:55
overcome being negative all the time and i think those are the tools that god wants to give us and allow us a
14:01
breakthrough in those areas that will continue to give us opportunity to move forward
14:07
liz liz and charlie both are in agreement with what we have to say they both said agree i just saying it
14:14
out loud because of the audio i know folks are seeing the comments come up but um elizabeth also says that um god
14:21
was there um yeah so i mean
14:27
where was i gonna go before i started reading the comments i was like i had something to say
14:33
oh i'm sorry i probably sidetracked just a little bit did not you did not you did not you did
14:38
not you know i think it's really good that you're you're specifying because
14:43
i don't think we always understand um the perception of ourselves and how it affects us
14:49
as we interact with the world around us and and for you to not see yourself
14:55
broken but to see yourself in a situation where you're growing or looking for a breakthrough i think that makes a huge
15:01
difference in how we interact with people how we interact with the world and the desires that we have for ourselves
15:08
right so so i'm i'm excited that um this is an area that that we've both
15:15
been able to grow in because we don't we don't want to be known as broken people we want to be
15:21
known as people who are in pursuit of all that god has available for us
15:26
and that we're not perfect and we're still working all that out well and i think like
15:32
my spirit as i've you know started like living a spiritual life again or living in a certain way you
15:39
know it starts to bring an awareness to everything right the good the not so
15:44
great the you know all those sorts of things that are that are true and so one of the things that was coming to mind
15:50
for me too is that one of the things that i've learned is that you know anger like is not i know sometimes we want to
15:55
say anger is a bad thing anger is something that you shouldn't express like you know these sorts of things and
16:02
anger is a very powerful emotion and a powerful thing but i think when we're connected with with god or in our
16:08
spiritual space um god can use our anger
16:14
or our whatever as a blessing you know and so and i think that's the the difference
16:19
between like when i live my life not knowing or not like trying to connect with some
16:25
sort of spirituality or understanding or god then um i
16:30
i don't have like the i just gonna be mad all the time and i'm
16:36
not gonna be able and i and in that anger i'm gonna always like be sarcastic or whatever it is right um
16:42
but when i am potentially more connected to a spiritual way of being or whatever that for the most part i might not be
16:50
right but then i have these moments in which maybe i am sarcastic or i do get angry about something um but it it it
16:57
helps to cause some sort of positive reaction or some sort of blessing and that is like
17:04
to me that's a god thing like i don't know when is the best time for me to get angry
17:09
um or to not get angry you know what i mean um on my own so i think so i think
17:15
that's kind of like the magic or the power of like god is that that that something that can be
17:22
you know not great like it might not be your proudest moment however it could be
17:27
a blessing to you and maybe to somebody else yeah yeah god can turn the things that the enemy meant for evil into good
17:34
that's that's for sure that's right right anger everything else yeah i've been really big on this kick of like
17:40
labeling things the devil um i i'm kind of do it playfully but also
17:46
there's kind of like some seriousness to it so i think the fact that we're broken or that we see ourselves as
17:53
broken or separate from like that is the devil like that is the lies of the devil
17:58
to me like that's not the truth and so um when we believe those sorts of things
18:04
then that's what can separate us from god from ourselves and from others which
18:10
i think can cause us to believe that we're broken or that there's something wrong with us there's something about us
18:16
that doesn't fit with with everything and as far as the separation goes like
18:22
the thought that my behavior does not impact or what i'm doing with my life does not impact the people
18:27
around me in any way that it only impacts impacts me is like malarkey
18:33
yeah i agree with you so do you mind if i if i um restate what i think you said
18:39
before because i want to make sure that i'm understanding and i want to make sure everyone understands um how i how i
18:45
see this whole whole thing also not that you said anything anyway i'm saying it anyway i'm good
18:52
um i believe that only in god are we whole so i did have a moment of brokenness
19:00
and that moment of brokenness was when i realized that i couldn't be whole by myself
19:06
that i don't have the capacity to be complete in my own strength i needed my creator
19:12
god and the holy spirit to help me to be able to
19:17
move forward to be able to accomplish the the purpose and and all the dreams and the hopes that i had from my life
19:24
and and like you said we impact the people around us we don't get to choose i remember
19:30
charles barkley saying once i am not a role model sorry dude we're all role models we all have people around us who
19:38
look to us for things even if we don't invite them to so with that in mind i want to be the very
19:44
best person that i can be and i know that that now
19:49
with the completeness that i have in christ that's where that grace comes in and that's how that anger that i may
19:55
have had that was even unjustified where god can turn it into something good
20:00
and amazing so i hope i didn't say something different than what you said but that's how i heard what you said and
20:07
i'm agreeing with that yeah yeah and again it's like the idea of seeing ourselves broken
20:12
caused us to see the truth right yeah yeah but and so that's what i mean by like
20:18
um like the how maybe god works you know it's like it's like the the lie or the the sin or the
20:25
thing that took us away from god was the belief that we were broken and then god reveals to us that no
20:31
actually you're not like i've been here all along and so that's that's kind of what i mean by
20:37
and yes we thought we were broken and because we thought we were broken we we made some better choices sometimes right
20:44
and so like we it caused us to be like oh no like this isn't helpful i need to
20:49
i need to do something about this right and so because we can kind of like still
20:54
walk around as if like we can be connected with that knowledge or oftentimes for me i was walking
21:01
around like that and wasn't even really connected to the idea that i saw myself
21:07
like broken or didn't see myself whole do you know what i mean like because i wasn't connected with that awareness
21:13
i was like oh my gosh i'm kind of not like integrated i'm kind of like a different person over here and a
21:20
different person over there and yeah and i could you know and there's plenty of times i think we live through our lives
21:25
and we're not even aware that we're doing that and so once we can come to a space that we can
21:30
see that we're relating with ourselves in different ways then i think that's you know then you know and so that's
21:35
just like the next level right and then and then we can see i don't know that's kind of what was
21:42
coming to mind i think you're right there's a lot of people out there
21:48
that don't realize um that they're that they're incomplete without god
21:55
uh and and i think that they're they're living out they're living a lie and i believe you're right
22:00
god is always there um introducing himself trying to be a part
22:06
trying to show them trying to guide them make a way for them and i pray that that people see it
22:14
and they don't live in that in that broken law state anymore and they allow the opportunity to
22:20
experience the truth the the truth of who they are in christ
22:25
right well a lot of i think like the god conscious or the idea of god is just the
22:30
or like a lot of people will talk about higher power and just to kind of speak to the idea that there are a lot of different
22:36
i believe i know it's different from you like i know you like believe there's one god by one name in one way
22:42
um and i and i i s i don't i don't necessarily believe in
22:48
that i mean i i think i believe that there's one truth but i think that
22:53
we all have a different way of getting there and we have different language uh and ways of coming to
23:01
that knowledge and that connection and so i think for some folks it might be more of an educational kind of like
23:07
awareness sort of thing uh where they start to be living more consciously like
23:12
with themselves and with the world and have more of like say like a god conscience
23:18
um whereas you know god is bringing that con like there's an awareness to that
23:23
there's more to the world than just me um and that what i'm doing is impacting the people around me you
23:30
know and i think the bible talks a lot about that idea like um the importance of like and you could probably say this better than me but the
23:36
idea that um you know you need your arms like a body needs the arms and the legs and i mean
23:44
now don't get me wrong some of our bodies don't have all of the parts right but it's just the idea of like um
23:52
we all need each other in order to be whole um and not individually whole but
23:57
as one with god and if we are all god or part of god right you know what i
24:03
mean like collectively like we're part of i don't know it's like hard to explain it but
24:09
um that we're just all connected though we're one yeah yeah the bible says that that we are the body
24:17
and he is the head of the body and so the concept behind that is that
24:23
he his will his his authority his creation he is the body and so we are to
24:29
work together in unison for his glory for the purpose of his glory
24:34
and and as you as you read the passages in the bible um you can see how that
24:40
pursuit for his glory is edifying to us as individuals as well as to those around us
24:47
so that's that's i think the analogy you were talking about right it makes yeah and i think the way to kind of parallel
24:54
that or connect that is the idea that if god says i'm the head and you all are the body a lot of the
24:59
times when folks are dealing with addiction or like when i was in recovery a lot of the what people talk about that's that's
25:06
like not working right or the thing that needs to change is our thinking um it's ours it's our thinking that
25:13
needs to change which which kind of works well and what you're saying is and the idea is that we have to invite god
25:18
into our thinking we have to begin thinking more like god thinks or think more in line with
25:25
how god would have us be right and that could be you know i say i use god personally as kind of an umbrella term
25:33
and i hope that other people who aren't christian who listen to this can can also get something from what we have
25:39
what we have to say so that's partly why i i go here and for me too because i like i don't know i just like thinking
25:45
about it and like seeing how things are are similar and different um but i like
25:50
i like kind of like making those connections where it's like oh well this isn't contradictory just because you know you're like the bible says you know
25:57
god is the head and then you're like in more of a say world like a educational space and
26:03
they're like you need like your thinking is the the thinking is the thing that needs to be addressed the thinking is
26:09
the thing that needs to be changed the thinking is what can cause harm or can you know like that's
26:15
you know what i mean so i feel like that's it's a very similar um absolutely
26:21
similar ways of getting to like the same end that we need to really fix our thinking
26:26
that's exactly right in order to you know all of that yeah yeah it's it's our thought process
26:33
process that limits us yes yeah totally agree totally agree
26:40
so how do we yeah i mean how do i don't know like where do we go from here
26:48
you know we can talk more about um how god can renew our mind and renew our
26:53
thinking um how he comes alongside us and he he guides us
26:58
and he provides enough grace for us until we figure it out you know that's part of the
27:04
amazing conversation we were having
27:12
i don't know serving the lord for a number of years
27:18
and these are areas and we had a whole list of them those were just two that i shared of things that we're still working on
27:25
and it's just like you said these are areas in our mindset that the
27:30
holy spirit has not well i shouldn't say the holy spirit
27:35
can you repeat what you just said there was a moment where it kind of cut out and i'm not sure if it was just on my
27:41
end but if you'll repeat it just in case it didn't get recorded what was the last thing you heard um you were just saying like when we
27:48
when we talked before or whatever yeah
27:53
so last night when we got this group of women together um we were
27:59
we were all mature christians and we had a whole list of things that we were all
28:05
kind of working on or or trying to move forward to you know i threw out anger and negativity already but there were
28:12
other things on that list and it just goes to remind me personally and for all of us who had a conversation
28:18
that we're still in pursuit of that um completeness you know we're
28:24
whole in jesus but we're in pursuit of that changing our mindset so that we can
28:29
continue to move forward and represent um ourselves and the world the way god
28:34
would have us do that and it's just amazing you know how god provides grace for us for that he
28:41
walks right alongside us he allows us to decide how big a steps we want to take
28:48
to allow him to renew our mind and it's just it's been an amazing journey for me
28:54
and it's one i'm still on and so i don't i want to encourage people don't be frustrated if oh i've
28:59
tried that and it's not working well keep keep moving because it we we can
29:04
only we can only see i don't want to say god it's not
29:10
going to give us more than we can handle but because i don't want to i don't i don't think god's going to allow us to
29:16
continue to grow and he's not going to overwhelm us with things we can't can't manage
29:22
you know he he's going to be there with us every step of the way and encourage encourages come on you got this you got this come on you got this i have faith
29:28
in you i know you can do this i put this in front of you because you want to change that thing about yourself and
29:33
i've already completed that space but i know you want to dwell on it and be in it and receive it and move forward in it
29:39
and he wants us to do that yeah well it's the process i think of coming to know ourselves more right and
29:46
if if we're if we're coming to know ourselves more that means that we already are
29:52
which is kind of cool you know like we already are what we are and we're just and what what like truth
29:59
is already truth is truth we're just coming to know it and you know what i
30:04
mean like we're coming to see what has been there all along
30:11
i think i can say yes
30:16
because i know jesus is the truth he is the way the truth and the life
30:21
so yeah i need to come to become to know the truth more so that i can move forward in my life it's already there
30:27
it's not something that's like something that we're creating it's actually already there we're just coming
30:33
to know it yeah we're coming to know jesus no no jesus know ourselves
30:38
no like our connection with others like know everything we come to know things more but we're not coming to like
30:46
no new know something new in the sense it's new to us but it's not
30:53
you know it's it's it's actually already there yeah the truth has been the same yesterday today and forever
30:59
so our pursuit for that truth yeah it's just coming to know
31:05
yeah yeah yeah and it's i yeah i'm just like i'm kind of sort of like processing out loud but i often
31:12
have felt you know a lot of times for me i have had an experience with god or a
31:18
thing i call god like i've had this spiritual experience i've connected with the spirit i've connected with
31:23
all these sorts of things so i grapple with like okay i had this experience now how do i talk about it or what's it
31:30
about or trying to i'm trying to understand it more and in that in that process i feel like there's always been
31:36
this like this internal knowing that we all know and this is again just
31:43
this has been my experience where i feel like there's this knowing that this knowing that
31:49
i know that i don't know um that is there and it's been there the
31:54
whole time and yeah so it's like i'm just coming to know
32:00
more of that right and also also i think there's sometimes peace in knowing that
32:06
i don't always know like i think that's helpful for me to think of like that's where kind of god comes into play or
32:12
something outside of me it's like i can't i can't understand it all i can come to know more and and all of that
32:19
but i think that's why um or like that's what got one of god's roles if you will is to hold all of like
32:26
to hold all of the knowledge until yeah we can get there right um yeah absolutely
32:32
one of the one of the little catch phrases that i always tell myself is okay i just need to focus on what i can
32:38
do in the natural and then god will take care of the supernatural so i need to do what i can do and then
32:44
the rest of it i just need to give it to god yeah well that's because that's what's just beyond what we can do and what we
32:50
understand right like that's what that's what god is i guess or what yeah
32:56
whatever that is um and and for me it's again it's just trying to seek more of that seek more of knowing that right
33:03
knowing god or you know that sort of thing helps me be a little bit more
33:09
well it gives me something to do [Laughter] oh yeah it's like you have nothing to do
33:15
you seem to be pretty pretty busy right um aaron says uh do you ever feel pressured
33:23
to know to know what god wants for us or just to
33:29
know to know what we don't know i think or to know just in general you know
33:35
and i know absolutely i can feel that sometimes when like i feel like some people might see me a certain way
33:41
um and then i might not know the answer um or uh yeah i mean i totally feel that
33:46
pressure and i think sometimes it's hard you know it's hard to live in that unknowing
33:52
it's hard to live in that i don't know it's hard to live in that ambiguity you know i think we we want to feel grounded
33:59
we want to feel tethered to something so we're in that space of not knowing something
34:05
like that's where god is but like and that's where it becomes more um
34:11
like we want to know right like we want it i don't know what it is but like i feel like that's what so i do feel like
34:16
we do have that pressure uh i do have that pressure to know sometimes but the the power and the
34:22
blessing comes when i can just be okay with being in the i don't know
34:28
and trusting that exactly that's that's true that there is there is already something to be known
34:34
that is going to be in the benefit of me and yeah and everything and i just got
34:41
to trust that you know that for me there's great peace and not knowing and here's what i wanted
34:47
to say when i get to a crossroads where i get to a place where i felt like i was going someplace and all of a sudden it
34:53
shut down i'm like huh and sometimes that shutdown affects how i live my life
35:00
that's even a bigger huh what is this happening right now and my first inclination is for my for
35:06
me to try to fix it on my own but then the next inclination if i've if
35:11
i've allowed myself to go there and that's that's half the battle is not getting crazy about it i'm like oh you
35:18
know what my steps were ordered i'm gonna trust that god's already got this figured out
35:23
because he's been with me on this journey i believe he's provided me everything so i'm just gonna trust that not knowing what happens next and know
35:31
that he's already got a solution for me so i'm going to do today what i can do in the natural
35:36
and i'm going to allow god to guide me and perform the supernatural so there's some comfort in that once you
35:43
get to that point of trusting um his plans yeah and then you and then you lose that trust and then you get it
35:49
again and then you do you know what i mean like it's amazing we come to once it's like oh we come to know this and
35:55
then all of a sudden we're like oh god's got this and we don't worry about it but it's like it gets harder and harder
36:01
yeah you know this this one is like okay i got this i'm not going to be negative anymore okay so now
36:07
we're not negative to all this about these things but then you had something that happened closer to the hip
36:13
and now you find yourself being negative again i'm like what the heck i thought i worked through this already and and i think that's god's saying you
36:19
did work through the surface stuff so now let's get to the heart of what's happening and then it'll happen even again you
36:26
know if you the john 15 talks a lot about um how that works the pruning and the and the vining
36:32
and all that stuff um yeah yeah caleb kayla just joined us and says hello y'all hi kayla
36:40
glad you could pop in and aaron had said uh in response to the no comment was
36:45
yeah to know stuff in general god knows it all but we often know nothing i mean
36:50
when it comes down to it i mean and i think it's hard because there is an element at least for me i've i've had a
36:56
difficulty with like just okay well i don't know anything i can't know anything so
37:02
i don't know anything and there are things that i do know right there are things that i do know at least for me
37:08
and i know to be true for me or my understanding at this moment that doesn't mean that it won't
37:14
change or my understanding won't change but i think it's helpful there are things that we know and i
37:20
think that knowledge has been put into us um by god or you know what i mean so that
37:26
we could put it to use um with ourselves and in the world like i think that's part of what
37:32
you know that that's the gift of god if we never got any sort of knowledge or any sort of abilities if you will um
37:39
then i don't you know what i mean like there there are certain things that we do know i think there's a process though of
37:45
seeking seeking those deeper things have you ever heard the terminology of baby christian well mature christian you guys
37:52
hear that every week except for this week because i've heard of baby drags baby drag queens yes
37:59
yeah so these are p you know this is when i just gave my life to jesus i'm a baby i don't know much about anything
38:06
and so i need to i need to pursue that knowledge i need to pursue who god is and i need to decide what i'm
38:13
going to trust in and and allow that to grow my faith and it's a whole pursuit so when that moment i gave my life to
38:19
jesus i was made complete because of who god is so here's the thing i don't know who god is at this point
38:25
so now i have to pursue it so my my natural in that is the pursuit of who god is
38:33
um and then the super is his revelation as to as to who and he's like hey thank you you trusted me in this here's let's
38:39
now let's go just a little deeper i want you to trust me a little more because i have bigger things for you you know the bible says that god has far
38:47
more than he i have the ability to think or imagine for my life i don't want to stifle that
38:54
i want far more than i can imagine for my i trust that that is true and so i
38:59
trust that each and every day as i pursue him doing the natural that he's going to perform that supernatural
39:06
opportunity that's going to be far more than i can think or imagine in my life but there is a there is a a pursuit that
39:12
has to take place we can't just sit here and say okay god tell me what happens next we have there has to be some sort of a
39:18
pursuit yeah well and like i kind of talked this about this a little bit on the say
39:23
something comment this week but like i learned like my relationship with god
39:28
um and the way that i connect with god in the way that i relate to god is what can
39:34
help me to like in in recovery we talk about practice these principles and all our affairs or sometimes you might have
39:40
a relationship with a therapist to figure out how do you talk to other people about things that are hard to talk about you know and so i think if we
39:48
if we kind of use that idea of like you know going to god and and um
39:53
god helping us when we don't know much right in some area and i was i brought up jokingly about baby drags or baby
40:00
gays and those are for folks who are kind of new in that setting but they can kind of take the same approach you go to
40:06
something higher something who's further along somebody who knows what you don't know
40:11
and you ask them and they show you and they tell you and you know those sorts
40:16
of things and so i think i think again i just that was just coming to my mind is that you know like
40:22
i my relationship with god is how i learn how to be in relationship with you
40:28
absolutely um
40:33
so aaron says i guess we do know some things but i wish i knew more
40:39
or less understood more yeah than me both erin we're on the same page and aaron says i guess the pursuit
40:46
is the journey yes yes it is yeah that that need to know is like uh
40:52
it's actually one of the topics of um i uh you know i started that say something series um and for folks who
40:59
might not be aware but on sundays i have these say something sundays which are kind of like uh i hate calling it kind
41:05
of like a sermon but it's just kind of like a a 20 minute like me really focused really hard on
41:11
a specific topic and one of the one of the topics is you know our need to know
41:17
needing answers or even needing to understand and talking about that even more because you and i
41:23
in particular um i feel like that's a lot of what our um
41:28
goal has been is to try to understand one another more yeah and i think recently um
41:37
coming to understand that i won't understand all yeah of you
41:43
um there's also some like peace in that too right absolutely
41:48
absolutely yes so we are at um
41:54
we are at that time so are we really all right yeah so thanks for getting our momentum man i know
42:01
uh i'll say all the fun stuff now so um thanks for joining us um wherever you're
42:07
um watching or listening to us we are we go live every thursday at 5 30 p.m
42:13
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42:20
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42:26
also if you're interested in getting connected with us we'd love to get a direct message or make comments in the um
42:33
you know in the in the things where comments go i'm losing my words but we'd love to hear from you and and and all
42:41
that fun stuff we also have like merch and we also have a patreon if you'd like to support um the work of splintered
42:48
grace and not only splintered grace but also a queer chaplain which is i guess the produce production i don't
42:54
know this is a product the protection side yeah the production side um of the work
43:00
as well so um uh join us next week do you want to go out and take us out for the out out i
43:06
think i said all the um things we needed to say can we get all of our comments up
43:12
um so one last comment from aaron says coming to understand that i won't
43:19
understand wow yeah yeah yeah all right way to end
43:25
i thought so well you guys thanks so much for joining us it has been our pleasure
43:30
we look forward to next week we will come prepared with some random topic that we'll let you know about we
43:37
ask that you join us with your questions your input and we really really appreciate your encouragement you guys
43:43
have a fabulous week and thank you for being a part of splinter grace awesome take care
43:50
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